Saturday, 16 August 2008

The Mtsar Guide to Dating, as seen on Oprah and Rense TV

Dating, also known as 'Banging Broads' is a phenomenon that I predict will soon be spreading beyond the Bay Area. In order to get ready for this new age of dating I have provided a user friendly guide for all my loving fanbase, freely here of course on my favourite filth pool, the Mtsar Fringe.

First, you must get your body naked, work up a good sweat....generally not washing for a few days will ensure this look is perfected - and then get a good non gay friend to take some pictures for you. Jordan helped me do the picture below (censored for this forum). These pictures will be broad magnets. no one actually goes out to clubs anymore, that music is satanic and plays tricks with your mind... every song is filled with subliminals making you buy more beer, wear condoms and other such Jesuit propaganda. Its much safer to pick out potential broads on the internet and use your pictures to lure them into your shack. If you're not blessed with the Atlantean charms of a half brown, shiny lengthed, balding beast, then you may have to settle for second rate broads, transvestites or disableds. Still, every man has his needs - so do not be afraid my schizoid fellow men.

Once you establish the date, and get the broad back to your squat, make sure you have a good supply of paddy power and a good set of metal CD's in the player, this shit will get them thinking dirty thoughts and you can get your length out and show that broad what a half brown man is made of.

do not, and I repeat do not stop banging your broad until that bitch bleeds. Modern illuminati's have manipulated the sexual experience to make it unrecognisable from its true meaning - which is to batter the shit out of your broad until she bleeds and begs you to take her into the moonlight and spill your seed all over her face under the winds of shiva. You do not, under any circumstance want to spill your seed inside this maiden, as polluting the gene pool with half brown babies is not good for the Mtsar business. how many more DVD's and useless fictional tat would I have to make then to keep the small ones in rags and such. David Icke knows what i'm talking about, but then he never did take my advice.

Once you have finished, leave the broad naked in the moonlight and return to your shack - howling to the moonlight, naked as the day you were born. This manifests a very powerful type of energy from Pluto. With repeated observance of this ritual you too, can become a real man.

Yours in bloody vaginal glory,

'Pluto', 'Shiva', 'sexual', 'half brown' and 'disableds' are copyright Mtsar incorporated.


Eric said...

Oh man, I'm still laughing uncontrollably, but I don't know what about... what the heck was that article dude!? Just straight up satire/irony? You're a hell of a comedic writer, keep it up.


Mtsar said...

Eric, take my advice seriously. Laughter may be the best medicine, but if you copulate with maidens or Misters outside of the approved Mtsar framework then any number of personal and planetary disasters may ensue.

Ciao Brother